Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms

It's been about 10 years since I last read a parenting book, which kind of suggests this isn't a genre I gravitate to (I do read the occasional parenting article and I did read a few raising teenage books when I was a youth minister). I saw this book on some best books of 2022 lists at the start of this year (book lists are a genre I am into) and I figured it has been about a decade since I last read a parenting book and my family has grown numerally and physically since then.

I appreciated this book as it was written by another parent in the thick of it. The premise of the book is that all families have habits, routines, or liturgies that they do, consciously or unconsciously. Over time these little actions and routines build traditions and family stories, for good or bad. Parents should think about what type of children we should want to raise and then work out how we can foster that. This may sound like hard work - and it can be to start something new when the ruts are deep, but what might be harder is to go with the cultural norms in letting our children conform to them. We cling to habits not to show how good we are, but because without them we would be bad at it. And so there is an emphasis for these rhythms in the day to utilise as parenting discipleship moments for your children.  

From the start of the book and throughout there is also a focus on us as parents and our responsibility to help form habits and more importantly to remember that we too are children and need parenting from our heavenly Father. We may not like change as much as our children, but as the parent we are responsible to guide our children if they like it or not. They may not like some food, but it is good for them, and so, we are to parent them in that situation. Likewise, when starting a new habit, our kids may think it weird, strange and complain, but as the parent, we are to lead our children into areas that we think will help make them better followers of Christ. Parents on the other hand also need to remember that they are still children of the Father, and we also need discipline along with the free offer of mercy, love and forgiveness. This remembering of our own position should help shape our own interaction as we "enforce" these changes on our children.

The book picks up on moments that may happen throughout the day and then suggest a way we may redeem that moment. The are times like meal times, leaving for school, car time, bedtime, playtime, discipline moments, screen time etc... and also a few chapters focusing on our own marriage relationship with our spouse as that is also a significant formative aspect in raising children. Overall these were quite helpful, and some things I was already doing, others I thought were good to think about. We already do a "Bible time" before bed, I do my own personal devotion in the morning, we do family dinners every night (something that sounds simple and formative but is now unusual in some houses), we limit screen time to about an hour before dinner, etc...

I read this book on holiday and was actively thinking in moments of the day about how I could make this a discipleship moment, but realising that holiday days in Darwin is different to normal days in Canberra. It did get hard for me to be patient and do the kind and understanding thing when it was 2 am for the third night and your kid is unwell and doesn't want to take the medicine. Rhythms and time with the children also became harder when we all had to go back to school and work. But one thing I did start to do directly from this book.

I take the kids to school every Monday, Tuesday and every second Wednesday. Normally it is a rush out the door, but now before we head out, we hold hands and do a simple prayer before we get into the car. And it has gone down exactly as the book said something like this would. One kid thinks it is stupid and is happy to tell everyone, and some try to squeeze each other's hands as hard as they can, or kick the person next to them, or tries to make someone else laugh. But we have been at it for more than half a term now. Two of my kids have now seen that this is the new normal with Dad and humour him. The prayer right from this book is: 

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - thank you for this day.
Bless us as we work, study, and play.
Be present with us, and in all we do,
may we bring glory and honour to you.

The idea is that we try, for a moment, as we head out, to remember together God in what we are about to do this day.

I am by no means an expert at any of this, and I appreciated the thinking behind this book about what rhythms of the day could we be more intentional with our kids and the realism in describing how hard it is in setting new traditions in your family, but how key they can be. If you have kids in primary school and maybe early high school I think you should read this book.